How to beat Johnny Rotten in one easy book

[Rotten]

Jeff Fox and Johnny Rotten on Jay O'Brien's argument that Professional Wrestling is real.

Johnny: He actually believes it. Like the entire history of wrestling and gimmicks never existed. I'm sure he even believes that the Baron is from Germany, and that there really is a place called Parts Unknown.

Fox: Arguing with Idiots only brings you down to their level... And then they beat you with their experience.

[Fade up to the Mill Woods Apartment. Jeff Fox anxiously paces the room waiting for the knock at the door that finally comes. Moving surprisingly fast for a fat guy, Jeff springs to the door and whips it open to reveal a beautiful woman dressed in a very revealing dress.]

Fox: [Happy] Lilly

Lilly: [Cold] Jeffrey

[They hug barely making contact, and then pretend to kiss each other's cheeks.]

Lilly: Okay that's enough, quit touching me.

Fox: So how is my baby sister doing?

Lilly: I'm all grown up now.

Fox: [Lecherous] I can see that.

Lilly: I know your a perv by nature, but you do realize we have the same mother. [Pauses as Jeff continues to stare.] Your starting to creep me out, I'm outta here.

[Walking back out the door, Lilly murmurs something about knowing this was a bad idea.]

Fox: Don't go I need you.

Lilly: That's wrong on soooo many levels. Goodbye brother.

Fox: No not that way... I got a mule. (Translation, somebody to do the work while Fox, collects the rewards.)

[Lilly stops]

Lilly: Go on.

Fox: He's the real deal, my meal ticket.

Lilly: Name..?

Fox: Johnny Rotten, high flyer out of Ontario. For the most part gullible, and passive.

Lilly: Most part.

Fox: Yeah. See when he wears this... [Shows studded collar he took from Johnny the day before.] He changes.

[Lilly starts to leave. She shakes her head, not believing a word.]

Fox: I'm not a liar... [Pause] Okay I am... But not about this.

Lilly: Okay suppose it's true. What do you need me to do.

Fox: We need Johnny to lose. No we need him to get beaten bad.

[Lilly smiles, she knows where this is going.]

Fox: So when it all comes crashing down. When he's tired and beaten... I'll become his new crutch... I'll be the only thing he has. I'll control him... I'll own him.

Lilly: You mean "We'll own him"

[Jeff pretends like he didn't hear what Lilly said.]

Lilly: Say it Jeff... You need me.

[Awkward silence.]

Fox: Fine... Partners.

Lilly: [Evil smirk] Partners.

Fox: So all we have to do is leak this info to some of the NAPW wrestlers, and then feed him to the proverbial wolves.

[Insert evil laugh]

Muwhhhhhhaaaa haaaa...

[And just like that, the plot to screw over Johnny Rotten by his own manager is put into motion. A decoy/informant is put in place. You walk past him on the street and he stops like one of those guys in a trench coat. You know the "Wanna buy a watch" kinda guys. So I know what your thinking... Give up the info and I'll be on my way right. Sure, but what fun would that be. So if you want the info on Johnny your gonna have to kick it old school with this "Choose your own adventure" story. Click one the link below to begin. ]

How to beat Johnny Rotten


Who cares... Johnny Rotten is a punk, I fart in his general direction