Bathroom break

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

(Bruce Richards is looking in an airport bathroom mirror, lamenting his lack of beard.)

BRUCE RICHARDS: I can't believe I shaved it off. And for what? So you could ramble on and on about the state of the NAPW? You do that EVERY week, why didn't I just keep the beard? I guess it's more incentive to beat the Midnight Cowboys in Vancouver.

(The camera pulls back to reveal Kyle Roberts, looking into the mirror alongside Bruce.)

KYLE ROBERTS: You did it to pay tribute to Canada's greatest diplomat, Ron McLean! Come on, Bruce, live a little! What does Tiffany think of the new and improved Bruce Richards?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Oh, she loves it. It's all she can talk about. "What beautiful cheekbones you have, Bruce!" "I can nuzzle you without getting beard burn." "I'm wearing the cheerleader's outfit, Bruce!"

KYLE ROBERTS: (sharply turning to look at Bruce) She wore the cheerleader's outfit?

BRUCE RICHARDS: First time since Christmas.

KYLE ROBERTS: Wow. (Kyle ponders a moment.) So, was it everything you hoped for?

BRUCE RICHARDS: A gentleman never tells.

KYLE ROBERTS: No, I believe that's a pussy. Come on! I'm not asking for the play-by-play, just give me a bit of colour commentary!

BRUCE RICHARDS: (considers what to say) Remember when we went to the Eskimos game back in July? Where that one Montreal cheerleader had the "costume malfunction?"

KYLE ROBERTS: Oh boy, do I! She was the hottest girl on that field. Remember how I yelled that I wanted to "gentil" her Alouette?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Kyle, you also got ME kicked out of the stadium for that lustful rant. But I'd say that Tiffany with her pompoms pretty much got me reminiscing about minutes three through seven of your tirade.

KYLE ROBERTS: Yeah, I've got my dirty talk refined to only need about a minute of prep time now. -- Wait a tic! You mean you felt yesterday like I did that afternoon?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Only without the manhandling by Commonwealth Stadium security.

KYLE ROBERTS: Whoa, dude. I was firing on all cylinders that day. Are you telling me that your pistons were primed?

BRUCE RICHARDS: That's all I'm going to say about the subject, thank you.

(Kyle smirks. Bruce goes back to touching his face.)

BRUCE RICHARDS: I considered keeping it off for a split second, but then I came to my senses. When I come back from Vancouver, most of my beard will come back with me.

KYLE ROBERTS: God, I'd hate to be around when Tiffany finds that out.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Hey, she loved me when I had a beard for the past five months. Why should I feel bad if I go back to a style she's used to? I've noticed you haven't said anything about your new look.

KYLE ROBERTS: Are you kidding? This bleached hair and white goatee make me look badass! Check this out! (Kyle takes a pair of sunglasses out of his shirt pocket and puts them on.) Hollah if you hear me! I'm the big bad booty daddy!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Who the hell is that?

KYLE ROBERTS: My boy Big Poppa Pump, back when he was awesome! Scotty Steiner!

BRUCE RICHARDS: (chuckles) You've really got to work on your impressions.

KYLE ROBERTS: When you're Stylin' Kyle Roberts, everybody's striving to impress you!

BRUCE RICHARDS: I must say, though, your Don Cherry is impressive.

KYLE ROBERTS: Hey, when you grow up with an institution like Grapes, this stuff sticks in your head. You think the Midnight Cowboys will even understand what we just did?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Not if they keep on going around their hometown, spreading their version of the truth to people who don't know any better.

KYLE ROBERTS: God, that's boring! You seriously think people will want champions who can't entertain?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Clint Zellor sure entertained in the ring against you two weeks ago.

KYLE ROBERTS: Hey, you're talking to a ring general here! If I can make Ravager look good in the ring, I can do it with anyone. Hell, if I'm able to create four-star matches with mops in training, I can certainly do it with opponents who have less personality than my mom's Swiffer. I mean, you can't blame them, because that's one stylish broom. But Clint winning that match was rookie's luck.

BRUCE RICHARDS: So it won't happen again?

KYLE ROBERTS: Bruce, nobody's going to break up the New and Improved D-X. Not Clint Zellor, not Stone Zellor, not Joseph Malone. You know why? Because we aren't losing at Cold Snap. We're going to show the Midnight Cowboys what makes a dynasty. Equal parts hard work and sheer awesomeness. Once we're done with them, the Zellor boys can go straight back to their hometown and resume operations as the world's lamest gigolos in front of the Lucky Mart.

BRUCE RICHARDS: No quarter given.

KYLE ROBERTS: By any means necessary.

BRUCE RICHARDS: You're going to keep it clean, right? I mean, you just used sheer savagery against Clint. You didn't need any weapons or dirty tricks.

KYLE ROBERTS: The Zellors don't start none, there won't be none.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Good. I like to see you focused like this. If this is your attitude in the ring, there's little chance of us dropping the belts, odds be damned. Now, let's get on that plane to Vancouver and get ready for the biggest match since, well, the MCW finals.

(Bruce exits the frame on his way out of the bathroom.)

KYLE ROBERTS: If only the Midnight Cowboys were Blitz. (in a horrible German accent) "Look at hulking Germans, puny man! Wait! Why are you winning? How are you beating us?" (Kyle takes one last look at himself before leaving for his flight.) Spectacular. If I weren't straight, I'd be making out with you right now, you handsome brute. That's right! Big Daddy Roberts will make it all bette-- WHOA!

(A hand reaches into frame, and pulls Kyle's collar, jerking him towards the exit as we fade to black.)