Post by Simply Beautiful on Feb 4, 2007 16:26:06 GMT -5
Fade in. Simply Beautiful, dressed in a black suit with a tie, is driving a black automobile. Patrick Bickle sits beside him, dressed in a similar black suit.
Bickle: Do you know what they call a Quarter-pounder with cheese in France?
SB: Nah, man, what do they call it?
Bickle: A royale with cheese. Because they use the metric system, they don’t even know what a pound is, you know?
SB: Oh yeah, that makes sense.
Bickle: Of course it does. And you know that they call a Big Mac?
SB: Nope.
Bickle: Well, that doesn’t have anything to do with the metric system, so they just call it a Big Mac, but it’s “Le Big Mac.”
SB: (laughs) Man, that’s funny. What do they call a Whopper?
Bickle: I don’t know, I don’t eat Burger King. Is this the place?
SB: I think so.
SB parks the car, and he and Bickle both get out and adjust their ties. They walk and talk towards the entrance.
SB: So, how many guys?
Bickle: Four.
SB: That’s including our man on the inside?
Bickle: Yeah.
SB: Shit, man, they should’ve given us shotguns.
They walk through a small garden.
Bickle: You know, the Boss called me, and asked me to take care of his wife.
SB: (stops, and pantomimes a gun pointed at his head) Take care of her?
Bickle: No, not like that. Like take her out, show her the town and stuff. He’s gonna be out on a "business trip" and wants someone to show her a good time.
They open the door, and walk inside the building.
SB: Man, that’s ain’t good. Have you MET the Boss’s wife?
Bickle: How hard could it be. She’s the bosses wife, I’m not stupid. I’ll take her out, put my head down, eat my meal, and laugh at her (BLEEP)in’ jokes.
SB: You remember that guy, with the (BLEEP)ed up face who used to hang around the office?
SB and Bickle get onto a small elevator, and SB pushes a button sending them to the top floor.
Bickle: Yeah, I think so. Fat guy, right?
SB: Well, I wouldn’t exactly call the brotha fat. He’s got a little bit of weight problem; what’s he gonna do, he’s Samoan. Anyway, rumor has it he took the Boss’s wife out, and just gave her a foot massage.
Bickle: A foot massage? So?
SB: That’s what you’d think, right? Well, the Boss took exception to that, had some of his boys come on over to his place and toss his ass off of a balcony. And you know those little greenhouses, with the glass ceilings?
Bickle: I’ve heard of them.
SB: Well, brotha fell through that. Now he’s all (BLEEP)ed up, got a stutter and everything.
Bickle: Over a foot massage?
SB: Over a foot massage.
Bickle: Well I can see that, a foot massage can be very sensual.
SB: We’re talkin’ about a foot massage, man.
Bickle: Well, I’ve given a lot of foot massages, and every single one of them meant something. There’s like an unspoken feeling there, neither one of mentions it, but it’s there.
SB: Man, I’ve given plenty of foot massages, they don’t mean shit.
The elevator comes to a stop, and they exit.
Bickle: Well, I could see why the boss would be upset, is all I’m saying.
SB: Look man, a foot massage is reason to throw somebody off a balcony and (BLEEP) up the way they talk.
They come to the door they were looking for.
Bickle: What time is it?
SB: 7:43. We’re early.
They walk down the hall a bit more, and wait.
SB: Look man, a foot massage is definetly not as big a deal as you say it is. Can we at least agree on that?
Bickle: I don’t know man. Would you give a foot massage to a man?
SB: (BLEEP) you.
Bickle: You given a lot of them?
SB: (BLEEP) you.
Bickle: It’s just a question.
SB: You’re startin’ to piss me off here, man. (checks his watch) It’s time. Let’s get into character.
They adjust their ties, and SB moves to open the door.
SB: Wait – what’re these guys’ names again?
Bickle: Umm….A David Banks, and a Lloyd Rees. Heard of them?
SB: Oh yeah, these guys are (BLEEP)ed.
Bickle: Well, yeah, that’s why we’re here.
SB shakes his head.
SB: Nah man, they got a match next week with Simply Beautiful AND Patrick Bickle.
Bickle’s eyes go wide, seemingly in disbelief.
Bickle: Damn….I guess we may as well just get outta here and let nature take its course, huh?
SB: Yeah…wanna get a Royale with cheese?
Bickle: Two steps ahead of ya.
Bickle whips out a fresh Big Mac and takes a well-sized bite as the scene…
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Cut to SB and Bickle, wearing authentic cowboy gear. Bickle in black, SB in dark brown. They both have large, black moustaches, and SB even reluctantly shaved off his goatee to make it more authentic.
Bickle: Howdy, Doc.
SB: (doing a PERFECT Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday) Why, Wyatt. What a pleasant surprise.
Bickle: What are you talking about Doc, we sent for you.
SB: Nonsense! Now, where is that rascally Morgan and your snow-bearded older brother?
Bickle: Inside, having a poker game with the some of the Clanton’s and McLaury’s as we speak.
SB: Well, then, deal me in, my good man (smiles)
Bickle smiles as well, and the two walk inside as the camera follows.
SB: I say, what a lovely job the Sheriff has done cleaning this town up.
Bickle: The sarcasm is noted, Doc.
Once they enter the saloon, the scene cuts to a rounded poker player, with someone unknown portraying Morgan, and, is that…why yes it is! That’s Wayne Wright all dressed up and playing Ike Clanton!
And if you look closely, you’ll note that Johnny Rino is our very own Stylin’ Kyle Roberts! And, to cap it all off, standing next to Kyle with a huge smile on his face is Bruce “the Beast” Richards as Curly Bill Brocius! Try to stay in character, Bruce!
SB, sitting at the right of the dealer, who happens to be Patrick Bickle reaches across the table and takes another pot away from Wayne and Morgan.
“Morgan”: Dammit, that’s it Doc. You’re too good. (rises) I’ll see you gentlemen later. (Morgan gets up and walks over to the boor, and orders a stiff one)
Wayne Wright: What is that Holiday? Twelve hands in a row? Ain't nobody that lucky!
SB turns to him, his face sweaty, and takes a sip from his small cup and smiles.
SB: Why Ike, whatever do you mean? Maybe poker's just not your game. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!
Kyle steps up to SB.
Kyle Roberts: And you must be Doc Holliday.
SB: That's the rumor. And you must be Ringo. Look, darling, Johnny Ringo. The deadliest pistoleer since Wild Bill, they say. What do you think, darling? Should I hate him? Yes, but there's just something about him. Something around the eyes, I don't know, reminds me of... me. No. I'm sure of it, I hate him.
Bickle: (to Kyle) He's drunk.
SB: In vino veritas.
Kyle Roberts: Age quod agis.
SB: Credat Judaeus apella.
Kyle Roberts: (patting his gun) Ecentus stultorum magister.
SB: (with a coy smile) In pace requiescat. Evidently Mr. Ringo's an educated man. Now I really hate him.
Bickle: OK fellas, let’s just relax. We don’t want any trouble, especially not in Latin.
Bruce Richards: Don’t worry, boys, Johnny’s drunk, is all. Just drunk. You all have a good evening. (motions for Kyle to leave)
Kyle Roberts: (waving Bruce off) To HELL with that! I want that Lunger’s blood!
Wayne shrieks and hides under the table.
SB: How…uncharacteristic.
Kyle Roberts: You hear me, Holliday! I’m calling you out.
SB smirks - this is the best line of the movie (even it’s out of place and not in it’s correct context, but I can’t just go and rip the script and post it as my own, can I?)
SB: I’m your Huckleberry.
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Cut to SB and Bickle, still as Wyatt and Doc.
Bickle: That was a hell of a gunfight, huh?
SB: What do you mean? All we did was go out and get Royale’s with cheese. Well, Bruce got the chicken fillet, but any man with the guts to get chicken at a McDonalds has my respect.
Bickle: The camera’s rolling.
SB: Dammit! Start over, Mike!
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Back to SB and Bickle, in the same spot.
Bickle: That was a hell of a gunfight, huh?
SB: Didn’t last all that long, I say. It appears Johnny was no match for. Poor soul, he was just too high strung.
Bickle: Well, at least he got off easy. Imagine what Bickle and SB are gonna do to that Rees and Banks bunch?
SB: I shudder to think.
Whips out his pistol, and starts to do some old west tricks with surprising ability.
SB: Ya see that, Wyatt? That’s how a genuine cowboy –
BANG!
AHHH!
MY FOOT!
The bang? SB’s gun going off. The “AHH, MY FOOT!”? Camera man taking a bullet in the big toe.
SB: WHOA, WHO THE HELL GOT A LOADED PISTOL! WILL SOMEBODY TAKE CARE OF MIKE, JESUS! TURN THE CAMERA OFF
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Cut now to SB and Bickle in long, flowing robes. Bickle has a fake beard on, and SB has is wearing a wig with a long braid that reaches past his shoulder.
Bickle: I can feel a great disturbance in the force.
SB: Is it the Sith Lord, master?
Bickle: No, it’s…The Crusher is trying to rejoin NAPW!
SB: (incredulous) Again? But why, my master?
Bickle: I don’t know, but it’s disrupting my ability to use the force.
Suddenly, a figure dressed in a black robe appears, and we cut to a shot of him from behind SB and Bickle. He says nothing, he just removes his hood to reveal…
Kyle Roberts with read and black face pain reminiscent of Darth Maul’s!
Kyle Roberts: Now, Jedi, I shall have my revenge.
Bickle: For?
Kyle Roberts: They didn’t write anything else for me, Pat.
SB: Oh, ok. Mike – how’s the foot by the way? Healing up already? AND they managed to salvage a good chunk of your big toe. Awesome. Yeah, the check is coming in the mail (rolls eyes and makes a face). Anyways, let’s start that again right around Kyle’s line, ok. And we’ll go right into the fight scene? Awesome!
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Kyle Roberts: Now, Jedi, I shall have my revenge!
SB: Darth Maul!
Bickle: Don’t!
SB pulls out his lightsaber and ignites it, and the visual affects are surprisingly top notch. It’s funny, SB won’t spend a dime to fix the refrigerator, but he’ll shell out thousands for ONE promo.
Anyway, back to the fight. In a flash, Roberts casts off his robe and ignites his double bladed lightsaber! They charge each other, and the blades clash together with a dramatic BURSTING of light. Bickle runs over, and, in a flash, back flips behind Roberts, and is nearly able to impale him through the back. Roberts ducks, however, and sweeps both opponents to the ground. He stands up and tries to stab Bickle while he’s on the ground, but Patrick rolls out of the way and jumps to his feet. SB twisted his ankle, and is kind of just chilling out on the floor. Some actor he is.
The fighting between Bickle and Roberts is fast and furious! The sabers clash together, and they grunt and groan as each tries to find a weakness in the other – but in a quick flurry, Roberts is able to strike Bickle under the chin, turn, and impale him through the chest, dropping him to floor stone cold dead. Well, in movie land. Pat’s fine, don’t worry.
SB: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SB nips up and grabs his light saber, and fights Roberts briefly before being seemingly knocked into a pit – but he grabbed the edge! Roberts approaches, laughing. Using the force, SB is able to pull the saber towards him and get up to chop Roberts in half!
How did SB afford all of this?
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Bickle and SB, standing in the same clothes, in the same scene.
SB: Master! I thought you were dead!
Bickle: No, I’m not. I mean, I’m standing right here. I’m obviously not.
SB: Can we really change such a major plot point of the movie?
Bickle: It doesn’t matter, we really only wanted to squeeze a fight scene in, remember?
SB: Oh yeah, you’re right. Well, mission accomplished, huh?
Bickle: Right. Is this the part where we say a little snippet about Banks and Rees?
SB: Yeah…those guys suck.
Bickle: Yeah, they’re a lot luckier than Darth Maul.
SB: He got off easy. We’re not gonna be so nice to YOU.
Bickle: You chopped him in half.
SB: Don’t kill the moment.
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Cut now to a large table, with several different men around it all dressed in suits. Next to each other are Mr. Blond and Mr. White (SB and Bickle, respectively). Bickle is drinking coffee. Beside Bickle are Mr. Blue and Mr. Orange (Unknown man and Chris Kamikaze, of all people!). Kamikaze is eating some cake, looking nervous. And next to them are Mr. Pink (Kyle Roberts, AGAIN), Mr. Brown (Bruce Richards), Bill Fleming (Joe), and making a rare appearance, Angelo as Nice Guy Eddie.
If you haven’t figured out what movie this is supposed to be, go watch someone else’s promo.
Bickle: Let’s leave a nice tip, this sure was a good waitress.
As he says this…ok, this is where you start to wonder how SB is able to do the things he does.
Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Quentin Tarantino, Chris Penn, Michael Madsen, Steve Buscemi, Lawrence Tierney, and little known actor Edward Bunker walk onto the set. The two parties look at each other. There’s a few brief moments of tension….and then they all start to laugh and shake hands, sitting down for a nice meal!
Buscemi: We’re getting paid soon, right?
SB: Steve, Steve, c’mon man. I told you, all you have to do is contact R. Joseph Winchell, and you’ll ALL be paid in full. What was the agreed price, ten grand a piece.
Buscemi: Well, you said five, but ten is nice.
SB: So is five. (walks away)
Fade out.
Bickle: Do you know what they call a Quarter-pounder with cheese in France?
SB: Nah, man, what do they call it?
Bickle: A royale with cheese. Because they use the metric system, they don’t even know what a pound is, you know?
SB: Oh yeah, that makes sense.
Bickle: Of course it does. And you know that they call a Big Mac?
SB: Nope.
Bickle: Well, that doesn’t have anything to do with the metric system, so they just call it a Big Mac, but it’s “Le Big Mac.”
SB: (laughs) Man, that’s funny. What do they call a Whopper?
Bickle: I don’t know, I don’t eat Burger King. Is this the place?
SB: I think so.
SB parks the car, and he and Bickle both get out and adjust their ties. They walk and talk towards the entrance.
SB: So, how many guys?
Bickle: Four.
SB: That’s including our man on the inside?
Bickle: Yeah.
SB: Shit, man, they should’ve given us shotguns.
They walk through a small garden.
Bickle: You know, the Boss called me, and asked me to take care of his wife.
SB: (stops, and pantomimes a gun pointed at his head) Take care of her?
Bickle: No, not like that. Like take her out, show her the town and stuff. He’s gonna be out on a "business trip" and wants someone to show her a good time.
They open the door, and walk inside the building.
SB: Man, that’s ain’t good. Have you MET the Boss’s wife?
Bickle: How hard could it be. She’s the bosses wife, I’m not stupid. I’ll take her out, put my head down, eat my meal, and laugh at her (BLEEP)in’ jokes.
SB: You remember that guy, with the (BLEEP)ed up face who used to hang around the office?
SB and Bickle get onto a small elevator, and SB pushes a button sending them to the top floor.
Bickle: Yeah, I think so. Fat guy, right?
SB: Well, I wouldn’t exactly call the brotha fat. He’s got a little bit of weight problem; what’s he gonna do, he’s Samoan. Anyway, rumor has it he took the Boss’s wife out, and just gave her a foot massage.
Bickle: A foot massage? So?
SB: That’s what you’d think, right? Well, the Boss took exception to that, had some of his boys come on over to his place and toss his ass off of a balcony. And you know those little greenhouses, with the glass ceilings?
Bickle: I’ve heard of them.
SB: Well, brotha fell through that. Now he’s all (BLEEP)ed up, got a stutter and everything.
Bickle: Over a foot massage?
SB: Over a foot massage.
Bickle: Well I can see that, a foot massage can be very sensual.
SB: We’re talkin’ about a foot massage, man.
Bickle: Well, I’ve given a lot of foot massages, and every single one of them meant something. There’s like an unspoken feeling there, neither one of mentions it, but it’s there.
SB: Man, I’ve given plenty of foot massages, they don’t mean shit.
The elevator comes to a stop, and they exit.
Bickle: Well, I could see why the boss would be upset, is all I’m saying.
SB: Look man, a foot massage is reason to throw somebody off a balcony and (BLEEP) up the way they talk.
They come to the door they were looking for.
Bickle: What time is it?
SB: 7:43. We’re early.
They walk down the hall a bit more, and wait.
SB: Look man, a foot massage is definetly not as big a deal as you say it is. Can we at least agree on that?
Bickle: I don’t know man. Would you give a foot massage to a man?
SB: (BLEEP) you.
Bickle: You given a lot of them?
SB: (BLEEP) you.
Bickle: It’s just a question.
SB: You’re startin’ to piss me off here, man. (checks his watch) It’s time. Let’s get into character.
They adjust their ties, and SB moves to open the door.
SB: Wait – what’re these guys’ names again?
Bickle: Umm….A David Banks, and a Lloyd Rees. Heard of them?
SB: Oh yeah, these guys are (BLEEP)ed.
Bickle: Well, yeah, that’s why we’re here.
SB shakes his head.
SB: Nah man, they got a match next week with Simply Beautiful AND Patrick Bickle.
Bickle’s eyes go wide, seemingly in disbelief.
Bickle: Damn….I guess we may as well just get outta here and let nature take its course, huh?
SB: Yeah…wanna get a Royale with cheese?
Bickle: Two steps ahead of ya.
Bickle whips out a fresh Big Mac and takes a well-sized bite as the scene…
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Cut to SB and Bickle, wearing authentic cowboy gear. Bickle in black, SB in dark brown. They both have large, black moustaches, and SB even reluctantly shaved off his goatee to make it more authentic.
Bickle: Howdy, Doc.
SB: (doing a PERFECT Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday) Why, Wyatt. What a pleasant surprise.
Bickle: What are you talking about Doc, we sent for you.
SB: Nonsense! Now, where is that rascally Morgan and your snow-bearded older brother?
Bickle: Inside, having a poker game with the some of the Clanton’s and McLaury’s as we speak.
SB: Well, then, deal me in, my good man (smiles)
Bickle smiles as well, and the two walk inside as the camera follows.
SB: I say, what a lovely job the Sheriff has done cleaning this town up.
Bickle: The sarcasm is noted, Doc.
Once they enter the saloon, the scene cuts to a rounded poker player, with someone unknown portraying Morgan, and, is that…why yes it is! That’s Wayne Wright all dressed up and playing Ike Clanton!
And if you look closely, you’ll note that Johnny Rino is our very own Stylin’ Kyle Roberts! And, to cap it all off, standing next to Kyle with a huge smile on his face is Bruce “the Beast” Richards as Curly Bill Brocius! Try to stay in character, Bruce!
SB, sitting at the right of the dealer, who happens to be Patrick Bickle reaches across the table and takes another pot away from Wayne and Morgan.
“Morgan”: Dammit, that’s it Doc. You’re too good. (rises) I’ll see you gentlemen later. (Morgan gets up and walks over to the boor, and orders a stiff one)
Wayne Wright: What is that Holiday? Twelve hands in a row? Ain't nobody that lucky!
SB turns to him, his face sweaty, and takes a sip from his small cup and smiles.
SB: Why Ike, whatever do you mean? Maybe poker's just not your game. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!
Kyle steps up to SB.
Kyle Roberts: And you must be Doc Holliday.
SB: That's the rumor. And you must be Ringo. Look, darling, Johnny Ringo. The deadliest pistoleer since Wild Bill, they say. What do you think, darling? Should I hate him? Yes, but there's just something about him. Something around the eyes, I don't know, reminds me of... me. No. I'm sure of it, I hate him.
Bickle: (to Kyle) He's drunk.
SB: In vino veritas.
Kyle Roberts: Age quod agis.
SB: Credat Judaeus apella.
Kyle Roberts: (patting his gun) Ecentus stultorum magister.
SB: (with a coy smile) In pace requiescat. Evidently Mr. Ringo's an educated man. Now I really hate him.
Bickle: OK fellas, let’s just relax. We don’t want any trouble, especially not in Latin.
Bruce Richards: Don’t worry, boys, Johnny’s drunk, is all. Just drunk. You all have a good evening. (motions for Kyle to leave)
Kyle Roberts: (waving Bruce off) To HELL with that! I want that Lunger’s blood!
Wayne shrieks and hides under the table.
SB: How…uncharacteristic.
Kyle Roberts: You hear me, Holliday! I’m calling you out.
SB smirks - this is the best line of the movie (even it’s out of place and not in it’s correct context, but I can’t just go and rip the script and post it as my own, can I?)
SB: I’m your Huckleberry.
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Cut to SB and Bickle, still as Wyatt and Doc.
Bickle: That was a hell of a gunfight, huh?
SB: What do you mean? All we did was go out and get Royale’s with cheese. Well, Bruce got the chicken fillet, but any man with the guts to get chicken at a McDonalds has my respect.
Bickle: The camera’s rolling.
SB: Dammit! Start over, Mike!
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Back to SB and Bickle, in the same spot.
Bickle: That was a hell of a gunfight, huh?
SB: Didn’t last all that long, I say. It appears Johnny was no match for. Poor soul, he was just too high strung.
Bickle: Well, at least he got off easy. Imagine what Bickle and SB are gonna do to that Rees and Banks bunch?
SB: I shudder to think.
Whips out his pistol, and starts to do some old west tricks with surprising ability.
SB: Ya see that, Wyatt? That’s how a genuine cowboy –
BANG!
AHHH!
MY FOOT!
The bang? SB’s gun going off. The “AHH, MY FOOT!”? Camera man taking a bullet in the big toe.
SB: WHOA, WHO THE HELL GOT A LOADED PISTOL! WILL SOMEBODY TAKE CARE OF MIKE, JESUS! TURN THE CAMERA OFF
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Cut now to SB and Bickle in long, flowing robes. Bickle has a fake beard on, and SB has is wearing a wig with a long braid that reaches past his shoulder.
Bickle: I can feel a great disturbance in the force.
SB: Is it the Sith Lord, master?
Bickle: No, it’s…The Crusher is trying to rejoin NAPW!
SB: (incredulous) Again? But why, my master?
Bickle: I don’t know, but it’s disrupting my ability to use the force.
Suddenly, a figure dressed in a black robe appears, and we cut to a shot of him from behind SB and Bickle. He says nothing, he just removes his hood to reveal…
Kyle Roberts with read and black face pain reminiscent of Darth Maul’s!
Kyle Roberts: Now, Jedi, I shall have my revenge.
Bickle: For?
Kyle Roberts: They didn’t write anything else for me, Pat.
SB: Oh, ok. Mike – how’s the foot by the way? Healing up already? AND they managed to salvage a good chunk of your big toe. Awesome. Yeah, the check is coming in the mail (rolls eyes and makes a face). Anyways, let’s start that again right around Kyle’s line, ok. And we’ll go right into the fight scene? Awesome!
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Kyle Roberts: Now, Jedi, I shall have my revenge!
SB: Darth Maul!
Bickle: Don’t!
SB pulls out his lightsaber and ignites it, and the visual affects are surprisingly top notch. It’s funny, SB won’t spend a dime to fix the refrigerator, but he’ll shell out thousands for ONE promo.
Anyway, back to the fight. In a flash, Roberts casts off his robe and ignites his double bladed lightsaber! They charge each other, and the blades clash together with a dramatic BURSTING of light. Bickle runs over, and, in a flash, back flips behind Roberts, and is nearly able to impale him through the back. Roberts ducks, however, and sweeps both opponents to the ground. He stands up and tries to stab Bickle while he’s on the ground, but Patrick rolls out of the way and jumps to his feet. SB twisted his ankle, and is kind of just chilling out on the floor. Some actor he is.
The fighting between Bickle and Roberts is fast and furious! The sabers clash together, and they grunt and groan as each tries to find a weakness in the other – but in a quick flurry, Roberts is able to strike Bickle under the chin, turn, and impale him through the chest, dropping him to floor stone cold dead. Well, in movie land. Pat’s fine, don’t worry.
SB: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SB nips up and grabs his light saber, and fights Roberts briefly before being seemingly knocked into a pit – but he grabbed the edge! Roberts approaches, laughing. Using the force, SB is able to pull the saber towards him and get up to chop Roberts in half!
How did SB afford all of this?
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Bickle and SB, standing in the same clothes, in the same scene.
SB: Master! I thought you were dead!
Bickle: No, I’m not. I mean, I’m standing right here. I’m obviously not.
SB: Can we really change such a major plot point of the movie?
Bickle: It doesn’t matter, we really only wanted to squeeze a fight scene in, remember?
SB: Oh yeah, you’re right. Well, mission accomplished, huh?
Bickle: Right. Is this the part where we say a little snippet about Banks and Rees?
SB: Yeah…those guys suck.
Bickle: Yeah, they’re a lot luckier than Darth Maul.
SB: He got off easy. We’re not gonna be so nice to YOU.
Bickle: You chopped him in half.
SB: Don’t kill the moment.
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Cut now to a large table, with several different men around it all dressed in suits. Next to each other are Mr. Blond and Mr. White (SB and Bickle, respectively). Bickle is drinking coffee. Beside Bickle are Mr. Blue and Mr. Orange (Unknown man and Chris Kamikaze, of all people!). Kamikaze is eating some cake, looking nervous. And next to them are Mr. Pink (Kyle Roberts, AGAIN), Mr. Brown (Bruce Richards), Bill Fleming (Joe), and making a rare appearance, Angelo as Nice Guy Eddie.
If you haven’t figured out what movie this is supposed to be, go watch someone else’s promo.
Bickle: Let’s leave a nice tip, this sure was a good waitress.
As he says this…ok, this is where you start to wonder how SB is able to do the things he does.
Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Quentin Tarantino, Chris Penn, Michael Madsen, Steve Buscemi, Lawrence Tierney, and little known actor Edward Bunker walk onto the set. The two parties look at each other. There’s a few brief moments of tension….and then they all start to laugh and shake hands, sitting down for a nice meal!
Buscemi: We’re getting paid soon, right?
SB: Steve, Steve, c’mon man. I told you, all you have to do is contact R. Joseph Winchell, and you’ll ALL be paid in full. What was the agreed price, ten grand a piece.
Buscemi: Well, you said five, but ten is nice.
SB: So is five. (walks away)
Fade out.