Post by Simply Beautiful on Jan 29, 2007 10:54:48 GMT -5
Cold Snap Media Day pt. I – Where's the Friggin' Press Room?
Fade in. SB is in his hotel room, fast asleep.
His phone ringer (I – I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT!) starts to go off, loud enough to wake the dead, but he lies fast asleep. Suzanna starts to stir, and falls right out of bed, waking up. She hears the phone and picks it up.
Suzanna: Hello?....Oh, I Angelo. Good morning to you too, sweetheart….What’s that? Wake him up and send him where? OK….yep, I’ll talk to you later. Buh-bye. (hang-up)
She brushes her hair back behind her shoulder and taps her fiancée on the shoulder, trying to wake him. He doesn’t even flinch. She gives him another nudge, harder this time. Still nothing.
Suzanna: (to herself) I have an idea
Oh (BLEEP). Anything but that.
Five Minutes Later
A mariachi band is all set up to go in SB’s bedroom, and SB is STILL asleep.
Suzanna: OK guys, hit it!
They start playing the Mexican Hat Dance. SB snores and rolls over. They move in closer. One of them actually goes as far to hit SB in the head with one of his marraccas. Still nothing. One of the heavier ones, playing the guitar, hops up on the bed and starts to actually PERFORM the dance itself around SB. Even this can’t wake him. Finally, SB shoots upright in his bed, jumps to his feet, and SexyKicks the fat guitar player
The other musicians scream, and try to run for their lives, but SB is too fast for the 3 men, and grabs one and delivers a picture-perfect Impact DDT. One tries to save his buddy, and swings his maraca at the Icon – who grabs it and shatters it over his head! The third and final one appears to have escaped, but SB sprints at him and he stands like a deer trapped in headlights and gets DE-SHOED by a spinal cord realigning lariat.
Suzanna has not stopped screaming the whole time.
SB: WHO THE HELL WERE THOSE GUYS? NINJAS?
Suzanna: DID THEY LOOK LIKE NINJAS, YOU MANIAC?
SB takes a moment to look around at his victims, and shrugs.
SB: YES!
Suzanna is frantically trying to resuscitate the heavy one who took a devastating SexyKick.
Suzanna: They were the Mariachi band that plays downstairs in the restaurant! Remember those guys who came over and serenaded me? I was trying to wake you up because Angelo said you were gonna be late for the Cold Snap press conference. Brian’s coming to get you in like fifteen minutes and you have to get ready now!
SB: Well, they looked like friggin’ ninjas to me, Suzanna. That’s all I’m saying. I didn’t get a lot of sleep and in my groggy state they had ninja-like qualities. (looks again at his carnage) OK, we should probably tie these bastards up until it’s time to go. Wouldn’t want any John Q. Laws asking around about an NAPW Wrestler beating up a bunch of Mexican Nin– (corrects himself) Mariachis. Then we’ll stay with Brian, since Emily doesn’t come to the shows anymore.
Suzanna: OK, go get in the shower. I’ll get the duct tape.
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15 Minutes Later
Brian Bruno is now in the room, helping Suzanna tie up the last of the Mariachis (good thing they were just regular ones and not “Desperado” ones.) when SB walks out wearing a brand new t-shirt made just for David Banks that reads “SB The Big Winner” on the front with a picture of a smiling SB and “Banks the Big Loser” on the back with a picture of his frowning face.
Bruno: Ready to go, Bucho?
SB: (smiles) My chariot awaits!
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Another Fifteen Minutes Later
Bruno’s driving a rental, SB’s riding shotgun as the two head towards the arena in Kamloops.
Bruno: Man, I hate this (BLEEP). Why do we all gotta do this (BLEEP), ain’t nobody ever bought a damn pay per view because of a press conference!
SB: It looks bad if you don’t do it. And you be surprised how much interest in stirs in the area. (looks ahead) Turn left, we’re here.
They turn inside the lot, which is already packed, but Bruno manages to find a spot fairly quickly.
Bruno: OK, let’s get the (BLEEP) out. I’m starvin’.
SB: I gotta go do something, I’ll catch up with you later in the day.
Bruno: Aight, suit yourself. Kamikaze told me they got eggs benedict in there.
SB: They do not. (pause) And Kamikaze’s dead.
Bruno: Yeah they do, and no he ain’t.
SB: I thought Krenshov killed him like twice.
Bruno: I’m looking RIGHT AT HIM. Brotha ain’t dead, man.
SB: Oh (BLEEP)…he isn’t dead, after all.
Bruno rolls his eyes (as he so often does at the Beautiful One) and they both walk inside, Bruno headed for the buffet table in the conference room, and SB going straight for the press room.
The camera follows behind SB as he looks inside open doors on the way their.
Inside one he sees the two Gas Town wrestlers getting hyped up for their press conference.
SB: (to himself) Oh, that’s what a ninja looks like. Hmm, that’s not at all who I beat up, then.
He continues walking along, and bumps into none other than NAPW newcomer Jay O’Brien!
O’Brien: Watch your step.
SB stops dead in his tracks and turns around to face the brash kid.
SB: And who the hell are you? Why don’t ya run and get me a coffee, kid.
O’Brien: I ain’t your coffee boy, and I ain’t a kid. I’m Jay O’Brien, (BLEEP).
SB looks at him, blinking. He looks vaguely familiar too him.
SB: Yeah, I know who you are. Andy O’Brien’s kid brother. It’s funny, he sucked, too.
O’Brien: You should watch your mouth when you talk to me, ya yank.
SB: And what the hell is wrong with the Yankees? Best damn franchise in sports!
O’Brien: Bloody hell, not the team!
SB: Look man, I’m trying to find the press room. Any idea where it is? You MUST have some sort of use around here, other than jerking the curtain.
O’Brien: Find it yourself, dick.
O’Brien walks off, looking pretty aggravated.
SB: (BLEEP)in’ Brits.
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As SB continues looking for the ever-elusive press room, walks around a corner and comes eye to eye with – “Superstar” Tommy Deathrow!
They exchange a cold, hard stare, and are mere inches away from each other, nose to nose.
STD: Looks like you’re in the wrong part of town, bub.
SB: That’s odd, because this is MY part of town.
They both tighten up their fists, seemingly ready to brawl it out any second.
And instead break into laughter and give each other a hand pound-chest hug combo.
STD: How ya been, Mista Beautiful?
SB: Not so bad. Beat up a bunch of guys I thought were ninjas, but turned out to just be Mariachis.
STD: Man, I hate when that happens.
SB: Tell me about it. How about you?
STD: Well…I did meet up with this one chick last night, and she was WILD. I had her spread ...
Screen goes to black.
A MESSAGE FROM THE NAPW’S SPONSORS.
This section of the promotional video recorded by Simply Beautiful has been deemed too grossly sexually implicit to be acceptable for either television, print, radio, internet, or even just hearing in person. May God have mercy on the souls of Tommy Deathrow and everyone he interacts with. Thank you and please visit all of the NAPW’s sponsors locations!
Back to the video.
STD: .... and then her grandmother came downstairs, and you’d think that’d be the end, right?
SB’s face is pale, and he stops him.
SB: Tommy, man, I really need to be going. Do you have any idea where the press room is?
STD: (BLEEP), man, I was just (BLEEP)in’ in there testing out the (BLEEP)in’ mikes and what-not. I think it’s about two halls down that way and then you make a left and it’s the first door on your right.
SB: Thanks man. I’ll catch you later, we’ll get a beer with Billy and Bruno.
STD: Yeah, and we’ll go crusin’ for chicks.
SB: (thinking of the story) Maybe not!
He turns and walks away, and Deathrow continues on his merry way. He walks into Wayne Wright.
STD: Hey Wayne, have I gotta story for you!
Wayne takes one look at Deathrow and the Wild Rose gets the HELL out of there. Tommy chases after him!
STD: HOLD ON, IT’S ONLY A STORY!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By now, SB has finally reached the press room.
SB: And this, my friends, is where the magic happens.
Fade out.
Jay O'Brien and Tommy Deathrow used with permission.
Fade in. SB is in his hotel room, fast asleep.
His phone ringer (I – I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT!) starts to go off, loud enough to wake the dead, but he lies fast asleep. Suzanna starts to stir, and falls right out of bed, waking up. She hears the phone and picks it up.
Suzanna: Hello?....Oh, I Angelo. Good morning to you too, sweetheart….What’s that? Wake him up and send him where? OK….yep, I’ll talk to you later. Buh-bye. (hang-up)
She brushes her hair back behind her shoulder and taps her fiancée on the shoulder, trying to wake him. He doesn’t even flinch. She gives him another nudge, harder this time. Still nothing.
Suzanna: (to herself) I have an idea
Oh (BLEEP). Anything but that.
Five Minutes Later
A mariachi band is all set up to go in SB’s bedroom, and SB is STILL asleep.
Suzanna: OK guys, hit it!
They start playing the Mexican Hat Dance. SB snores and rolls over. They move in closer. One of them actually goes as far to hit SB in the head with one of his marraccas. Still nothing. One of the heavier ones, playing the guitar, hops up on the bed and starts to actually PERFORM the dance itself around SB. Even this can’t wake him. Finally, SB shoots upright in his bed, jumps to his feet, and SexyKicks the fat guitar player
The other musicians scream, and try to run for their lives, but SB is too fast for the 3 men, and grabs one and delivers a picture-perfect Impact DDT. One tries to save his buddy, and swings his maraca at the Icon – who grabs it and shatters it over his head! The third and final one appears to have escaped, but SB sprints at him and he stands like a deer trapped in headlights and gets DE-SHOED by a spinal cord realigning lariat.
Suzanna has not stopped screaming the whole time.
SB: WHO THE HELL WERE THOSE GUYS? NINJAS?
Suzanna: DID THEY LOOK LIKE NINJAS, YOU MANIAC?
SB takes a moment to look around at his victims, and shrugs.
SB: YES!
Suzanna is frantically trying to resuscitate the heavy one who took a devastating SexyKick.
Suzanna: They were the Mariachi band that plays downstairs in the restaurant! Remember those guys who came over and serenaded me? I was trying to wake you up because Angelo said you were gonna be late for the Cold Snap press conference. Brian’s coming to get you in like fifteen minutes and you have to get ready now!
SB: Well, they looked like friggin’ ninjas to me, Suzanna. That’s all I’m saying. I didn’t get a lot of sleep and in my groggy state they had ninja-like qualities. (looks again at his carnage) OK, we should probably tie these bastards up until it’s time to go. Wouldn’t want any John Q. Laws asking around about an NAPW Wrestler beating up a bunch of Mexican Nin– (corrects himself) Mariachis. Then we’ll stay with Brian, since Emily doesn’t come to the shows anymore.
Suzanna: OK, go get in the shower. I’ll get the duct tape.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 Minutes Later
Brian Bruno is now in the room, helping Suzanna tie up the last of the Mariachis (good thing they were just regular ones and not “Desperado” ones.) when SB walks out wearing a brand new t-shirt made just for David Banks that reads “SB The Big Winner” on the front with a picture of a smiling SB and “Banks the Big Loser” on the back with a picture of his frowning face.
Bruno: Ready to go, Bucho?
SB: (smiles) My chariot awaits!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another Fifteen Minutes Later
Bruno’s driving a rental, SB’s riding shotgun as the two head towards the arena in Kamloops.
Bruno: Man, I hate this (BLEEP). Why do we all gotta do this (BLEEP), ain’t nobody ever bought a damn pay per view because of a press conference!
SB: It looks bad if you don’t do it. And you be surprised how much interest in stirs in the area. (looks ahead) Turn left, we’re here.
They turn inside the lot, which is already packed, but Bruno manages to find a spot fairly quickly.
Bruno: OK, let’s get the (BLEEP) out. I’m starvin’.
SB: I gotta go do something, I’ll catch up with you later in the day.
Bruno: Aight, suit yourself. Kamikaze told me they got eggs benedict in there.
SB: They do not. (pause) And Kamikaze’s dead.
Bruno: Yeah they do, and no he ain’t.
SB: I thought Krenshov killed him like twice.
Bruno: I’m looking RIGHT AT HIM. Brotha ain’t dead, man.
SB: Oh (BLEEP)…he isn’t dead, after all.
Bruno rolls his eyes (as he so often does at the Beautiful One) and they both walk inside, Bruno headed for the buffet table in the conference room, and SB going straight for the press room.
The camera follows behind SB as he looks inside open doors on the way their.
Inside one he sees the two Gas Town wrestlers getting hyped up for their press conference.
SB: (to himself) Oh, that’s what a ninja looks like. Hmm, that’s not at all who I beat up, then.
He continues walking along, and bumps into none other than NAPW newcomer Jay O’Brien!
O’Brien: Watch your step.
SB stops dead in his tracks and turns around to face the brash kid.
SB: And who the hell are you? Why don’t ya run and get me a coffee, kid.
O’Brien: I ain’t your coffee boy, and I ain’t a kid. I’m Jay O’Brien, (BLEEP).
SB looks at him, blinking. He looks vaguely familiar too him.
SB: Yeah, I know who you are. Andy O’Brien’s kid brother. It’s funny, he sucked, too.
O’Brien: You should watch your mouth when you talk to me, ya yank.
SB: And what the hell is wrong with the Yankees? Best damn franchise in sports!
O’Brien: Bloody hell, not the team!
SB: Look man, I’m trying to find the press room. Any idea where it is? You MUST have some sort of use around here, other than jerking the curtain.
O’Brien: Find it yourself, dick.
O’Brien walks off, looking pretty aggravated.
SB: (BLEEP)in’ Brits.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As SB continues looking for the ever-elusive press room, walks around a corner and comes eye to eye with – “Superstar” Tommy Deathrow!
They exchange a cold, hard stare, and are mere inches away from each other, nose to nose.
STD: Looks like you’re in the wrong part of town, bub.
SB: That’s odd, because this is MY part of town.
They both tighten up their fists, seemingly ready to brawl it out any second.
And instead break into laughter and give each other a hand pound-chest hug combo.
STD: How ya been, Mista Beautiful?
SB: Not so bad. Beat up a bunch of guys I thought were ninjas, but turned out to just be Mariachis.
STD: Man, I hate when that happens.
SB: Tell me about it. How about you?
STD: Well…I did meet up with this one chick last night, and she was WILD. I had her spread ...
Screen goes to black.
A MESSAGE FROM THE NAPW’S SPONSORS.
This section of the promotional video recorded by Simply Beautiful has been deemed too grossly sexually implicit to be acceptable for either television, print, radio, internet, or even just hearing in person. May God have mercy on the souls of Tommy Deathrow and everyone he interacts with. Thank you and please visit all of the NAPW’s sponsors locations!
Back to the video.
STD: .... and then her grandmother came downstairs, and you’d think that’d be the end, right?
SB’s face is pale, and he stops him.
SB: Tommy, man, I really need to be going. Do you have any idea where the press room is?
STD: (BLEEP), man, I was just (BLEEP)in’ in there testing out the (BLEEP)in’ mikes and what-not. I think it’s about two halls down that way and then you make a left and it’s the first door on your right.
SB: Thanks man. I’ll catch you later, we’ll get a beer with Billy and Bruno.
STD: Yeah, and we’ll go crusin’ for chicks.
SB: (thinking of the story) Maybe not!
He turns and walks away, and Deathrow continues on his merry way. He walks into Wayne Wright.
STD: Hey Wayne, have I gotta story for you!
Wayne takes one look at Deathrow and the Wild Rose gets the HELL out of there. Tommy chases after him!
STD: HOLD ON, IT’S ONLY A STORY!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By now, SB has finally reached the press room.
SB: And this, my friends, is where the magic happens.
Fade out.
Jay O'Brien and Tommy Deathrow used with permission.