Debating the trends

[Stylin' Kyle Roberts [REBEL]]

(Scene: Bruce Richards' study. Kyle Roberts is at the computer, watching the Dudes' latest promo. Bruce Richards is sitting in his chair, reading.)

MIKE JOHNSTON: We weren’t even trying to piss you off… heck, we offered you an olive branch! Come hang out with the Dudes, we said. Take a load off, and chill out. Well, if, after Monday Night Fights, you’re still around, that offer still stands.[/b]

(Kyle pauses the Quicktime video.)

KYLE ROBERTS: Right. THAT'S gonna happen. Wow. That was a promo and three-quarters. At least I found out it must be the same guys running Moose Jaw Pro if THAT'S the story they were given.

BRUCE RICHARDS: (reading) Mmmm.

KYLE ROBERTS: (turns around) I mean, there's usually three sides to every story. And if that's what the Dudes heard, the third side is from "Propagandaland."

BRUCE RICHARDS: Wasn't that a Walt Disney World attraction?

KYLE ROBERTS: Could be. I have no clue what those guys are drinking. Hey, Bruce, why does it seem that every team that's put against us is usually drunk out of their minds?

BRUCE RICHARDS: It's the only way they can face us.

KYLE ROBERTS: Ha! Good point.

BRUCE RICHARDS: (puts book down) HERE'S what I don't understand: Why are they so surprised that I have an office? I've got a computer, a bookshelf, a chair, and a degree in business. And I happen to have a spare room in my apartment.

KYLE ROBERTS: Is it even possible to be a psychologist when it's your minor?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Didn't stop half of my classmates, I guess. Or Dr. Laura. Or Dr. Phil.

KYLE ROBERTS: It seems that everyone's got their own view on pop psychology. Especially the Dudes if they think I'm a chronic coward. I wrestled a BEAR!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Yes, yes, we all saw how you got pinned by a drugged-up bear. Do you see why I keep on saying "No" to stupid stunts?

KYLE ROBERTS: Look, YOU'RE the businessman. I'M the entertainer. It's the roles we gave ourselves when we started the team. Sometimes my ideas fail. At least it keeps the audience entertained. Or, at least, it would if the Edmonton fans had any sense of humour. Jackasses.

BRUCE RICHARDS: It's one thing the Dudes don't seen to understand. Why do they say we hate each other? We don't always see eye to eye, but that doesn't make us any less dominant.

KYLE ROBERTS: I hear that.

BRUCE RICHARDS: What Cam and Mike have no concept of is that the New and Improved D-X has been so successful because we offer something that most tag teams don't: a healthy dose of market research.

KYLE ROBERTS: God, if you bring out those damned charts again...

BRUCE RICHARDS: (brings out charts) You see, professional wrestling is first and foremost a sports entertainment BUSINESS. The wrestling audience isn't interested in the same old guys who just drink and gab and don't get the job done in the ring. That's not what people are going to spend money on.

KYLE ROBERTS: They spent a crapload of money on Steve Austin.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Who gives a flying leap about Stone Cold? That's the lowest common denominator. Granted, their money lets the industry survive, but it's not the only thing. If the champions they go do see have no originality, that's bad business.

KYLE ROBERTS: You know what else is bad business? Devalued titles. We provide a great service by keeping these belts around our waists, instead of two drunk frat boys. Or two drunk teenaged brothers. Or two drunk guys who are apparently sleeping with the fishes.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Valid point. So, what are we going to do tomorrow evening at Monday Night Fights?

KYLE ROBERTS: Same thing we do every night, Beast. TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Would you please stop watching Teletoon?

KYLE ROBERTS: Sorry. I mean, KEEP THE TITLES THAT BELONG AROUND OUR WAISTS.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Damn straight.

KYLE ROBERTS: (smiles) NARF!

BRUCE RICHARDS: I knew these charts would be good for something. (Throws the charts at Kyle, who's laughing at the computer.)

(Fade to black.)