Post by Chris Casino on Dec 9, 2005 1:22:43 GMT -5
[NAPW reporter Josh Reynolds is standing in front of the NAPW interview curtain. From the right side walks in TERRY BRANDON wearing a sport jacket and slacks, with a silver briefcase handcuffed to his wrist. To Josh's left is CHRIS CASINO, nined like the cover of GQ, wearing sunglasses and a smug look.]
JOSH REYNOLDS: Joining me right now... a man who has made a huge impact just one week into his NAPW tenure --- of course, I'm talking about Chris Casino. Terry Brandon, Chris Casino, the mic is yours.
TERRY BRANDON: Jan Reynolds ---
JOSH REYNOLDS: Josh ---
TERRY BRANDON: That's not important! Get a marker and a calendar and mark today's date down! That was the first time an NAPW reporter has actually told the truth about Chris Casino! You got it right in one, there's not a single wrestler in the NAPW today who has had the same kind of impact Chris Casino did this past week. No superstar in NAPW history has been put in a match against the champion after just one week, have they Reynolds?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Well actually, the champion --- I'm talking of course about D! --- won the belt in his second week ---
TERRY BRANDON: Now I'll talk! But D! won a match that said he gets a title shot, and if he'd lost, that woulda been it. My man Chris Casino here, what did he do? Beat 'The Moose'? Everybody's beat The Moose! You, me, CASINO, the kid down the street, and that homeless bum I kicked yesterday when he asked me for change! Chris, was that even a light workout for you? (Casino shakes his head with a smug, arrogant grin.) Josh Reynolds, what happened this week is simple: Chris Casino was the highlight of Monday Night Fights. He was the highlight of Action! --- TWICE. And the people who run the NAPW, from Commissioner Winchell down all see the same thing: You put Chris Casino in the main event, and you WILL bring in people, you will bring in ratings, and you will bring in the most important factor of all, and that's the almighty dollar.
JOSH REYNOLDS: A verbose Terry Brandon... now, gentlemen, at Action! you made a point of watching Lobo versus D! from the aisle, and now you face both men in a Three-Way Dance this Monday night. What are your thoughts on Lobo? Why were you out there on Action!?
TERRY BRANDON: Make up your mind about what question you want answered! I'll tell you why we were out on Action! - to scope out the Champion, and see what level of competition he faces. But you know what, I know that the next NAPW Champion has a whole lot to say about Lobo & D!, so Jimmy, point the mic in his direction!
JOSH REYNOLDS: Well, it's actually Josh but ---
CHRIS CASINO: You're pathetic Reynolds. But you know what's more pathetic?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Uh...No.
CHRIS CASINO: The talent. I whipped up on that dirty Canadians ass tonight in what? Four minutes?
TERRY BRANDON: It was three minutes and forty eight seconds baby! I was timing you!
CHRIS CASINO: Weak. You know what else sucks in this frozen wasteland you call Canada?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Um...Hang On. Is it....
CHRIS CASINO: Shut up. It's havin' to watch that Lobo and D! match. D!, you retarded monkey. You. Absolutely. Suck. Jesus Christ watching a match with you in it is about as exciting as watching paint dry. I don't even know how this damn company stays in the black with your sorry ass as their world champ. It's an embarrassment. Both to me and to the industry I love. But rest assured D!, it's coming to an overdue end. Oh sure I know other cats have told you the same thing...But those cats weren't Chris Casino. You see I ain't like the rest of the morons running around here trying to pass themselves of as wrestlers. I'm the future baby! And I'm about to make your title run a thing of the past.
TERRY BRANDON: Let me tell you something, you NEVER bet against Casino!
CHRIS CASINO: You're damn skippy you don't. Hey, tell me something D! What do you think NAPW is trying to tell you that after just one match...I get a shot at their top star? It says that the NAPW is sick of losing money on some bum holding their world title. It says that a change needs to be made if this company is to survive. D!, I don't give a damn how good you think you are, cause compared to me...Hell, you ain't even in my league. I know you want this match to be a non title affair cause you're scared. Just like all the other dirty Canadians running around here. You know that your days as the champ are numbered. So I tell you what, you go ahead and take that engraved nameplate off your title belt, and place it up on your mantle. That way, after I beat your sorry ass and win the NAPW Title you can always have that nameplate to remind you that you were indeed once a champion.
TERRY BRANDON: Keep that nameplate polished buddy!
CHRIS CASINO: Now I know some of the boys in the back are jealous I'm getting this match so quickly after my debut. But all I can say is this, if you guys didn't suck so bad then maybe you too could be in the spotlight. If you have any complaints, come talk to me about them. Or better yet talk to my complaint department.
[Chris shoots the double bird to the camera as he smirks.]
CHRIS CASINO: One more thing...Lobo, you fat bastard. You had your shot at glory tonight and you failed. You try and steal my thunder on Monday and I'll cash you out in a heartbeat.
[Casino turns to Josh Reynolds.]
CHRIS CASINO: Anything else?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Well...
CHRIS CASINO: Didn't think so chump. Brandon, let's get outta here.
[With that the pair of Casino and Brandon leave the set.]
JOSH REYNOLDS: Classy as always.
[cut to a commercial for the new Chris Casino "Greed Is Good" tee shirt!]
- co written by Casino & Brandon -
JOSH REYNOLDS: Joining me right now... a man who has made a huge impact just one week into his NAPW tenure --- of course, I'm talking about Chris Casino. Terry Brandon, Chris Casino, the mic is yours.
TERRY BRANDON: Jan Reynolds ---
JOSH REYNOLDS: Josh ---
TERRY BRANDON: That's not important! Get a marker and a calendar and mark today's date down! That was the first time an NAPW reporter has actually told the truth about Chris Casino! You got it right in one, there's not a single wrestler in the NAPW today who has had the same kind of impact Chris Casino did this past week. No superstar in NAPW history has been put in a match against the champion after just one week, have they Reynolds?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Well actually, the champion --- I'm talking of course about D! --- won the belt in his second week ---
TERRY BRANDON: Now I'll talk! But D! won a match that said he gets a title shot, and if he'd lost, that woulda been it. My man Chris Casino here, what did he do? Beat 'The Moose'? Everybody's beat The Moose! You, me, CASINO, the kid down the street, and that homeless bum I kicked yesterday when he asked me for change! Chris, was that even a light workout for you? (Casino shakes his head with a smug, arrogant grin.) Josh Reynolds, what happened this week is simple: Chris Casino was the highlight of Monday Night Fights. He was the highlight of Action! --- TWICE. And the people who run the NAPW, from Commissioner Winchell down all see the same thing: You put Chris Casino in the main event, and you WILL bring in people, you will bring in ratings, and you will bring in the most important factor of all, and that's the almighty dollar.
JOSH REYNOLDS: A verbose Terry Brandon... now, gentlemen, at Action! you made a point of watching Lobo versus D! from the aisle, and now you face both men in a Three-Way Dance this Monday night. What are your thoughts on Lobo? Why were you out there on Action!?
TERRY BRANDON: Make up your mind about what question you want answered! I'll tell you why we were out on Action! - to scope out the Champion, and see what level of competition he faces. But you know what, I know that the next NAPW Champion has a whole lot to say about Lobo & D!, so Jimmy, point the mic in his direction!
JOSH REYNOLDS: Well, it's actually Josh but ---
CHRIS CASINO: You're pathetic Reynolds. But you know what's more pathetic?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Uh...No.
CHRIS CASINO: The talent. I whipped up on that dirty Canadians ass tonight in what? Four minutes?
TERRY BRANDON: It was three minutes and forty eight seconds baby! I was timing you!
CHRIS CASINO: Weak. You know what else sucks in this frozen wasteland you call Canada?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Um...Hang On. Is it....
CHRIS CASINO: Shut up. It's havin' to watch that Lobo and D! match. D!, you retarded monkey. You. Absolutely. Suck. Jesus Christ watching a match with you in it is about as exciting as watching paint dry. I don't even know how this damn company stays in the black with your sorry ass as their world champ. It's an embarrassment. Both to me and to the industry I love. But rest assured D!, it's coming to an overdue end. Oh sure I know other cats have told you the same thing...But those cats weren't Chris Casino. You see I ain't like the rest of the morons running around here trying to pass themselves of as wrestlers. I'm the future baby! And I'm about to make your title run a thing of the past.
TERRY BRANDON: Let me tell you something, you NEVER bet against Casino!
CHRIS CASINO: You're damn skippy you don't. Hey, tell me something D! What do you think NAPW is trying to tell you that after just one match...I get a shot at their top star? It says that the NAPW is sick of losing money on some bum holding their world title. It says that a change needs to be made if this company is to survive. D!, I don't give a damn how good you think you are, cause compared to me...Hell, you ain't even in my league. I know you want this match to be a non title affair cause you're scared. Just like all the other dirty Canadians running around here. You know that your days as the champ are numbered. So I tell you what, you go ahead and take that engraved nameplate off your title belt, and place it up on your mantle. That way, after I beat your sorry ass and win the NAPW Title you can always have that nameplate to remind you that you were indeed once a champion.
TERRY BRANDON: Keep that nameplate polished buddy!
CHRIS CASINO: Now I know some of the boys in the back are jealous I'm getting this match so quickly after my debut. But all I can say is this, if you guys didn't suck so bad then maybe you too could be in the spotlight. If you have any complaints, come talk to me about them. Or better yet talk to my complaint department.
[Chris shoots the double bird to the camera as he smirks.]
CHRIS CASINO: One more thing...Lobo, you fat bastard. You had your shot at glory tonight and you failed. You try and steal my thunder on Monday and I'll cash you out in a heartbeat.
[Casino turns to Josh Reynolds.]
CHRIS CASINO: Anything else?
JOSH REYNOLDS: Well...
CHRIS CASINO: Didn't think so chump. Brandon, let's get outta here.
[With that the pair of Casino and Brandon leave the set.]
JOSH REYNOLDS: Classy as always.
[cut to a commercial for the new Chris Casino "Greed Is Good" tee shirt!]
- co written by Casino & Brandon -