Post by Static on Nov 27, 2005 22:55:53 GMT -5
November 27, 2005
Posted by Samantha Collins
I've got a great uncle, this pathetic 67 year-old boozehound who'd love nothing more than to live the rest of his life on his easy chair and watch television. Before I signed up with NAPW as a journalist for this very website, he told me a very profound truth at a family gathering, over his tenth or eleventh brew. Slurred Uncle Steve, "All wrestlers and wrestling fans... they're all nerds. (BLEEP) 'em."
Generalization and hate aside, NAPW Provincial Champion Static will not argue this point. In fact, he'll willingly admit to being a wrestling geek of the truest sort. However, he doesn't fit your normal stereotype: aside from the classic "Cactus Jack" tee and his mask, he doesn't wear wrestling gear in public. He has had sex before, a point that he just about shoved down my throat (no pun intended) over the course of our interview. You're more likely to find training tips bookmarked on his laptop than Lordsofpain.net. Instead, he's the kind of wrestling nerd that's going to collect tapes of old matches from the far corners of the globe, and study them until they break down in his VCR. I quizzed him on who won the sole Dynamite Kid/Tiger Mask match from their sole match in '79, and he was quite happy to tell me that Dyno took the duke with a Tombstone. What he's not as ready to let me know his what he took from the match. "Tut-tut, honeypants. That's for me to know and my opponents to find out."
I find it quite impressive how ready he is to admit this. Aside from D!, no NAPW.ca wrestler profile really makes mention of if the wrestler is a fan or not. While it's taken a great number of thirtysomethings to come to grips with the fact that they used to Hulk it up with the masses, and twentysomethings to share that a piece of them died when Stone Cold was run over by a car at Survivor Series '99. The fact that Static's embraced his passion--no, obsession--with pro wrestling thus makes him cool. From the mask (which he says he bit off of Mil Mascaras) to his alignment with "the Mayor" Bill Fleming (whom he calls the modern-day Jimmy Hart), and the fact that all of this knowledge and understanding has helped lead him to the NAPW Provincial Title, and you've got yourself a pretty complete picture.
Static will defend his title for the second time on Black Thursday, NAPW's first supercard. He's taking on two opponents that he's butted heads with since he signed up with this federation, Lobo and Ravager. In the four weeks that this fed has been active, he's been quite happy to let both know of the advantages that he possesses over them, from Lobo's alleged similarities to Jughead to the idea that he's got Ravager "all figured out." Reclining on his crap couch that made its debut just before he took the strap from Ravager, Static says that any advantage he's got over his opponents can be traced right back here. "Lobo's easy to understand," Static claims with a sneer. "The fact that he made the leap from amatuer Olympic competition, in shot put and discus, no less, and not wrestling, is impressive. Unfortunately for him, the all-power approach really isn't going to do much for him when I run circles around him, as I've done twice so far. I give Ravager credit for at least -trying- to figure me out, you've seen him make references to my style several times on NAPW tv. I figure that as long as I can keep myself out of his grapples, as I did when I won the title, this match at Black Thursday is cake."
I would've been close to vomiting at his arrogance, except that I was shellshocked by the jargon. In my business, you've got to clean up the language a bit. Not naming names, but some wrestlers (*COUGHJOEYMALONECOUGH*) will give you some nonsense about being a bad boy, mixed up with some muffled threats and enough "spray" to fill an ocean. Static, on the other hand, just gave me several good reasons why he'll win, which even the nerdiest sucker on the internet would be hard-pressed to refute.
Then it hits me that I've just witnessed another example of Static staying true to those wrestling roots. As we both walk out of his shithole apartment, Static explains to me that once he's convinced that he's conquered this craft, he's taking on the world. For some reason, I believe him.
The moral of the story, kids? Feed, love, and nurture that nerd inside you. Maybe one day you'll become NAPW Provincial Champion.
(To be continued in a different format-dealie. Apologies to the Beast for ganking his ads below, I'm spent.)
POLL: Vote on who you think will win the Black Thursday's Battle Royale!
NEWS: NAPW trainer Grant Lewis explain the "do"s and "don't"s of weight training.
STORE: Buy Ravager's official "No Pay, No Play" T-shirt.
Posted by Samantha Collins
I've got a great uncle, this pathetic 67 year-old boozehound who'd love nothing more than to live the rest of his life on his easy chair and watch television. Before I signed up with NAPW as a journalist for this very website, he told me a very profound truth at a family gathering, over his tenth or eleventh brew. Slurred Uncle Steve, "All wrestlers and wrestling fans... they're all nerds. (BLEEP) 'em."
Generalization and hate aside, NAPW Provincial Champion Static will not argue this point. In fact, he'll willingly admit to being a wrestling geek of the truest sort. However, he doesn't fit your normal stereotype: aside from the classic "Cactus Jack" tee and his mask, he doesn't wear wrestling gear in public. He has had sex before, a point that he just about shoved down my throat (no pun intended) over the course of our interview. You're more likely to find training tips bookmarked on his laptop than Lordsofpain.net. Instead, he's the kind of wrestling nerd that's going to collect tapes of old matches from the far corners of the globe, and study them until they break down in his VCR. I quizzed him on who won the sole Dynamite Kid/Tiger Mask match from their sole match in '79, and he was quite happy to tell me that Dyno took the duke with a Tombstone. What he's not as ready to let me know his what he took from the match. "Tut-tut, honeypants. That's for me to know and my opponents to find out."
I find it quite impressive how ready he is to admit this. Aside from D!, no NAPW.ca wrestler profile really makes mention of if the wrestler is a fan or not. While it's taken a great number of thirtysomethings to come to grips with the fact that they used to Hulk it up with the masses, and twentysomethings to share that a piece of them died when Stone Cold was run over by a car at Survivor Series '99. The fact that Static's embraced his passion--no, obsession--with pro wrestling thus makes him cool. From the mask (which he says he bit off of Mil Mascaras) to his alignment with "the Mayor" Bill Fleming (whom he calls the modern-day Jimmy Hart), and the fact that all of this knowledge and understanding has helped lead him to the NAPW Provincial Title, and you've got yourself a pretty complete picture.
Static will defend his title for the second time on Black Thursday, NAPW's first supercard. He's taking on two opponents that he's butted heads with since he signed up with this federation, Lobo and Ravager. In the four weeks that this fed has been active, he's been quite happy to let both know of the advantages that he possesses over them, from Lobo's alleged similarities to Jughead to the idea that he's got Ravager "all figured out." Reclining on his crap couch that made its debut just before he took the strap from Ravager, Static says that any advantage he's got over his opponents can be traced right back here. "Lobo's easy to understand," Static claims with a sneer. "The fact that he made the leap from amatuer Olympic competition, in shot put and discus, no less, and not wrestling, is impressive. Unfortunately for him, the all-power approach really isn't going to do much for him when I run circles around him, as I've done twice so far. I give Ravager credit for at least -trying- to figure me out, you've seen him make references to my style several times on NAPW tv. I figure that as long as I can keep myself out of his grapples, as I did when I won the title, this match at Black Thursday is cake."
I would've been close to vomiting at his arrogance, except that I was shellshocked by the jargon. In my business, you've got to clean up the language a bit. Not naming names, but some wrestlers (*COUGHJOEYMALONECOUGH*) will give you some nonsense about being a bad boy, mixed up with some muffled threats and enough "spray" to fill an ocean. Static, on the other hand, just gave me several good reasons why he'll win, which even the nerdiest sucker on the internet would be hard-pressed to refute.
Then it hits me that I've just witnessed another example of Static staying true to those wrestling roots. As we both walk out of his shithole apartment, Static explains to me that once he's convinced that he's conquered this craft, he's taking on the world. For some reason, I believe him.
The moral of the story, kids? Feed, love, and nurture that nerd inside you. Maybe one day you'll become NAPW Provincial Champion.
(To be continued in a different format-dealie. Apologies to the Beast for ganking his ads below, I'm spent.)
POLL: Vote on who you think will win the Black Thursday's Battle Royale!
NEWS: NAPW trainer Grant Lewis explain the "do"s and "don't"s of weight training.
STORE: Buy Ravager's official "No Pay, No Play" T-shirt.